no big deal

11/9/2026

i thought it a lot when i was last at his place

it's been a week. that's what i keep telling myself, it's only been a week and that's way too early for anything, but that doesn't stop the phrase from sitting on the tip of my tongue at times. i know damn well this could be another A or even worse, yet the feeling remains. i want to say it, want to give him all my children, be his spouse

i sound insane and the worst part is that i know it. i feel as if i'm going mad, and i feel pretentious for phrasing it that way but it most aptly describes my experience. i'm losing my mind over a man, god forbid

he makes me feel very safe, and for once i somewhat trust my ability to discern that. we've had many frank discussions based off what i've learned in prior relationships and on all levels it seems like we align, and if we didn't i'd trust him to voice dissent - something i couldn't say for A, who seemed to agree with whatever i said until it came time to act on it. it's been a week, but he's passed with flying colors so far, isn't that enough to pledge allegiance?

i think what gets me is that he seems equally smitten for once, and i like that. C was more into me than i was to them as much as i hate to admit it, and for A the inverse was true, yet this time feels equal. i was thinking the L-word, then he almost kinda said it of his own accord. i really feel like we're on the same page, and i can only pray that isn't wishful thinking

this is short, i'm kinda drunk but not enough, whatefur. i like a boy someone strike me down

~april